Grace

Grace

Grace was born after a VERY long pregnancy which is funny to say because she was born at 37 weeks and 2 days. (This number will later become important.)  Grace is my one child from my first marriage her father and I divorced when she was 3 months old.  Grace and I spent most of the first two years of her life together, just her and me. I dated but wasn't that attatched to anyone for very long and I was always cautious when it came to letting her hang out with the men I dated. She spent lots of time with my family, my little sister watched her while I worked and my family was very helpful throughout those first two years (they still are) As Grace grew we could see that she was not quite where she should be developmentally so we had tests after test, involved her in the Up to Three program. She improved but there were still little quirks and things that were just "off" and while no parents wants to admit that there is something "wrong" with their child I could tell that there was something that wasn't quite all right.  Whilst all of this was going on I met Chase.

When Chase and I were dating he fell in love with Grace first and I followed along somewhere closely behind.  He was fascinated by her. She was 21 months when we first began dating and by her second birthday they were inseperable. She warmed up to him instantly and though I was leery at first they were infatuated with one another.  Chase did everything he could to help her from the very beginning. He talked to her constantly and insisted that she repeat after him, I give him full credit for the fact that she talks at all (she is a chatterbox now) but in the beginning she wasn't really interested but he knew she could do it and before long, she started calling him Dad. Much to the chagrin of my ex husband whom she called by his first name. She was not encouraged to call Chase Dad or Daddy in fact she came up with that one all on her own and the first time she did it I thought Chase was going to explode with pride he had most definitely earned the title. He changed diapers, put her to bed, gave baths and dealt with tantrums like it was something he had always done.  

Life continued on as it has a way of doing and Grace continued to learn at grow at her own rate. Sometimes not improving for a while sometimes she would hit these massive spurts and catch all the way up to "developmentally normal" it was a cycle that we rode for quite a while.  When she was three and a half she received a diagnosis of PDD. 

PDD is an autism spectrum diagnosis. It stands for pervasive developmental delay.  There is so much information out there a lot that applies to Grace but there is so much out there that doesn't even come close to her. Her case is very mild.  

Chase thought that it was bogus, she just was the way that she was and she would catch on when she caught on.  It wasn't until recently that he agreed that there was something different about her and it wasn't until our recent family trip to Disneyland that he actually said something to me about it.  He noticed that other children her age were more talkative and better at comunicating their emotions and it was really some of the first really earth shattering tantrums that we had experienced together.  Sure she would put on a show at home but never before had she completely melted down that way in public. He had a hard time with it and he asked me what he was doing wrong but I assured him she was overstimulated and overtired and that all she needed was to decompress.  After she fell asleep one particulary trying day he told me that he was so grateful that she was the way she was because it made her just that much more special and made him love her that much more. 

She has improved leaps and bounds with constant help from family and involving her in preschool and getting her into the special needs preschool through the school district. She participates in a private preschool as well as the preschool through the school district it makes for a couple of very long days each week but she loves them both. 

Since Chase's passing I have noticed her tendency to throw a fit more often and for less offensive things than before but I have been told that is normal for children in the process of dealing with grief.  Normal or not she really misses her dad and is having a hard time expressing herself.  If she catches me having  a tender or sad moment that involves tears she comes up to me and says, "Mommy, what's wrong? Do you miss Daddy?" I answer in the affirmative and she says, "Its okay I miss him too!" which is typically accompanied by a whine or a cry but more often by a hug and a kiss. 

Keeping her routine as normal as possible has become very important, she has had  a lot of changes with the passing of the man she knows as her father.  They spent lots of time together because I have been so ill with this pregnancy, and trying to make up for that while still being so ill is not easy and I know I won't be able to fill that void but my parents have really been there anytime we've needed them.  Thankfully they live two blocks away and that has made a huge difference.  Grace loves Mimi and Papa and is always delighted to see them.  She spent the last ten days with her biological father for spring break and has been having  a hard time readjusting to being home because so much has changed here. She now has her very own room with a brand new twin bed and organized closet and whatnot, which she loves.  Trying to get back into the swing of school and being a big sister, which is one of her favorite things has been so good for her as has having family prayer and reading a story at bedtime every night.  It never ceases to amaze me what having  a good bedtime routine does for this little girl. 

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