Tonight I Wanna Cry...

I have now given birth three times and ever since the first time I have dreaded the first week postpardtum, the afterbirth pains, the recovery, milk coming in and most of all the surge of hormones and scary emotional roller coaster that ensues.  I am now four days out and I have been pretty proud of myself and how I have been doing, but today its like it hit me. I have been down and mopey all day. I have done my best to stay out of the funk but today its kind of enveloped me and I couldn't seem to shake it. 

Everytime my mind has drifted to the pain of my loss I have fought back replaced it with a happy thought or memory trying to avoid the hurt but today its been hard, and I couldn't figure it out why I couldn't make it work.  Then tonight it hit me.

Today is August 10th. Its been five months since Chase passed away. Five months. 

Thinking about how Chase won't hold our son. Thinking about how much he's going miss. Thinking about all the photos I won't get to take. All the moments that will be missing something, someone. 

I found a beautiful quote today, "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." ~C. S. Lewis