How

Over the last three months I realized that the world does not slow down, time does not stop when you feel like it should. Things continue on, life continues even when you're not sure how its possible.

As summer settles in and stretches its hot lungs I find myself having a hard time believing that this world can continue on its orbit without Chase.  How can things keep moving forward without his smile and laughter.  As the cottonwood falls like snow this June I see him laughing at Grace with cotton in her hair. Or I can see him being pulled behind his dad's boat, beaming at having landed a 360 or just happy about being able to get up on the skyski.

I really don't know how its possible that there will be summers without his laughter without the smell of sun on his skin after a day at the lake.

I did everything I could possibly do for closure. I found him. I told the medical staff to stop. I helped dress him. I said my goodbyes. I buried him. He's not coming home, I KNOW he's not coming home but there is still a huge part of me that expects him to show up.  I come around the corner in the kitchen and I expect to see him on the couch, xbox remote in hand look of intense concentration on his face.

How does life keep going when so much of what my life was is gone?