Shouldn't I Get Some Kind of Chip or Key Chain?

Today marks three months since Chase passed. Although I stopped by the cemetery on Thursday I felt the intense desire to visit today.

Call me sentimental, or a glutton for punishment,  but three months, a quarter of a year, a whole pregnancy trimester, 90 days (give or take) have passed and that seemed significant to me. (I would be getting a chip if I was a recovering Alcoholic or  a key chain if I was a member of NA)

It has changed from the tail end of winter to spring and spring has given way to summer. The whole world has continued moving even when I feel as if mine has stopped.

Its been crazy.  It feels like it was yesterday and at the same time it feels forever ago.  Not a single day goes by that I don't miss him. Not a single day goes by that I don't wish this was all just a bad dream, or that I could go back and fix it.

In other news: Henry is slowly recovering from surgery. We are back home safe and sound and he is on oxygen and a monitor while he sleeps.  He has been super clingy and needy lately which is understandable he did just have three surgeries all at once and I'm sure his throat is killing him,  but I can't help but think part of this has to do with him missing his dad. He has gone through my phone more than once to look at photos of Chase, and even carried around a copy of his funeral program with him today. {There is a photo of him on the cover.}

He and Chase always seemed to be buddies when it came time for surgery. Chase would hold him and just love on him  and they would both seem to calm down nearly instantly. These two boys were best friends and would look out for each other.  I am doing my best to give him what he needs and give him all the loves I can,  I am just afraid that I won't ever measure up to the kind of loves that only Daddy can give.